In her new memoir, Unbreak My Heart, Toni Braxton reveals her guilt about an abortion and that wonders if her youngest son being diagnosed with autism is a punishment from God.

The New York Daily News reports that in the book, which was released on Tuesday, May 20, the singer wrote that she “believed that God’s payback was to give my son autism.” Braxton also writes that she wonders if her lupus and her parents’ divorce might also be part of God’s retribution for her abortion.

The R&B singer was pregnant with her first child 10 years ago, by now-husband Keri Lewis. She writes that she was in the midst of a 60-day cycle of Accutane, an anti-acne drug that can have severe side-effects on a fetus, but that she likely would have terminated the pregnancy anyway.

Related: Toni Braxton Retires from Music to Pursue Acting

Braxton further reveals that she grew up in a religious home, where she was not allowed to wear pants, was directed to memorize 26 scriptures a week and fasting was observed during Lent. She indicates that Bible study was prized over school, and that her studies in the latter were neglected in favor of religious education.



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